Rotten in Denmark

Copied from my MySpace blog. Originally posted October 19, 2006.

I know you've been waiting for this moment! Here it is! Part III of my blogs about our time in Europe from 1996-1998. (on the off chance that you haven't been following along - I mean, hasn't everyone? - and are dying to know about parts I and II, go here and here.

While living in London, we took a few trips around the UK, Ireland and the rest of Europe. Today, you're in for a treat. A smelly, blue treat. Because I'm going to tell you all about our trip to Denmark!

And I promise that there will be no inappropriate images of any religious leaders, unless, like me, you consider Lloydism to be a religion.

The main reason we went to Denmark was to dig up my roots. (Not literally. I'm not a plant, although I sometimes sit still for long periods, much like a plant).

My father's family came to Canada from Denmark in the early 1900s, so it was cool to be able to see where they came from. This is me, in front of Gamtofte Kirke, the church where my grandmother was baptised, my grandparents were married, and all of my father's five brothers and sisters were baptised (he was the only one born in Canada).

Arriving in Gamtofte, near Odense

But our Danish trip wasn't only about checking out the family church. In fact, when we first arrived in Denmark, we headed up to Helsingør, north of Copenhagen. Helsingør is the setting for Shakespeare's Hamlet.

When you think of the Danes, you tend to think of tall, Viking-like people. But this is a myth. Most Danes are, in fact, very small. For an idea of how small, have a look at this picture of me, trying to get into Helsingør Castle.

Knock, Knock, Knocking on Helsingør

That's only partly true, actually. While some Danes are tiny little Trolls, many Danes are tall. The tall ones tend to live in tall, narrow houses, like this gentleman, seen outside his home, near Queen Margrethe's palace in Copenhagen.

It's not much, but it's his home and he loves it

As an aside - while I was Googling the Queen of Denmark, to make sure I spelled her name correctly, I came across this, about Princess Alexandra, Countess of Frederiksborg. Wow! Delicious!

Ok, on with the tour.

One of the coolest parts of Copenhagen is Nyhavn. On a nice day, there are more beautiful people per square foot in this area than anywhere else on the planet. It's a fact.

On a cool, rainy day, there are people like this:

Yes, I am touching myself in this picture.

It's true that there are loads of beautiful women in Copenhagen. Like this moist little tart:

I can see her boobies!

Finally, the most important thing to know before you go to Denmark, is that the Danes are more obsessed with farts than Howard Stern is! They even have a place named after them:

It is a well-known fact that the people of Middelfart are made fun of because their farts aren't as potent as the people of Upperfart.

The Danish Government even monitors you, to make sure that you can keep your farts under control. They have a huge database, maintained in Odense, that keeps track of people's farting habits, cross-referenced with their car's license plate numbers. I know, you don't believe me, but look:

It's true - something IS rotten in Denmark, and it's not just the cheese!