Google Earth sucks. That's my dining room. I'm in the living room, guys! Talk about poor accuracy!
Monday, November 21, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
I'm sitting in the departure area of the Moncton airport, waiting for my flight to Toronto, via Porter Airlines. I am excited to be flying into the Toronto Island airport for the first time. But even more exciting - I'm flying to Toronto for the final gala of Sirius XM's Canada's Next Top Comic contest!
(note - there are words on these videos that your boss might not like you to listen to at work, or your wife might not want you to listen to in front of the kids.)
Eddie Della Siepe:
See you soon.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Have you been called by these scammers who claim to be working for Microsoft and they are going to fix your computer? Apparently your computer has been sending them viruses or something. Their goal is to get you to let them have remote access to your PC so they can either steal your private info, or leave a malicious file or something. Don't let them do this. Nobody is ever going to call you because your computer is infected.
I recently had some fun with them. It went something like this.
Him: "Yes, sir, this is Harold from Computer Server Maintenance Services. We have been contracted by Microsoft to help their clients with bad files. Your computer has been sending us bad files, so we want to help you get rid of the virus."
Me: "Bad files, eh? Sounds bad."
Him: "Yes, sir. Very bad."
Me: "How bad?"
Him: "Very bad."
Me: "Like, really bad?"
Him: "Yes, sir. Now, if you could turn on your PC, I can help you get rid of the bad files."
Me: "Like super bad?"
Him: "Yes, sir. Super bad." (he said "super bad" with a flourish, like an narrator in a superhero cartoon announcing the evil villain.)
Me: "I'm so glad you called. What do I need to do?"
Him: "Is your PC on, and are you in front of it?"
Me: "Yes, and yes! Please hurry!"
Him: "Ok, press the following keys" (I forget what keys he wanted me to press)
Me: (not anywhere near my computer) "OK. Done."
Him: "What do you see?"
Me: "A picture of a kitty cat. Is that what you wanted to show me? That's not such a bad file."
Me: "A picture of a kitty cat. And the caption says 'You're purrrrfect.' What's so bad about that?"
Him: "no, sir, you must have pressed the wrong keys. Try this." (and he repeated the instructions.)
Me: "OK, now I see it. That's the recipe for fettuccine alfredo I've been looking for! Thanks!"
Him: "No, sir. You must have done it wrong again." (and repeats the instructions)
Me: "HEY! That's pornography! What kind of operation is Microsoft running over there?"
Him: "No, sir. This is not about pornography. This is about bad files."
Me: "What kind of files are worse than pornography? This is disgusting! Why did you want me to see your dirty pictures?"
Him: "No, sir. Those are not my dirty pictures. I do not have dirty pictures. I don't know how those got on your computer, but that is not why I am calling."
Me: "Are you accusing me of looking at pornographic images?"
Him: "Please, sir. Just follow these instructions." (and he repeats the instructions)
Me: "Hey, where did the porn go? Do you know howI get it back?"
Him: "No, sir. You will have to find it yourself. Can you tell me what you see now?"
Me: "A double rainbow! All the way! Woah! OH MY GOD! ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE SKY! WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!"
Him: "Is this some kind of joke?"
Me: (sobbing a little) "You don't believe in rainbows? It's so beautiful. "
Best telemarketing call I've ever gotten. Harold, if you're out there, call back sometime. I miss you.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
My three-year old called me at work the day after Halloween to let me know he was making a "daddy pile" from his Halloween candy. Stuff he didn't like but thought I would. Great!
I got home that night to find:
Two Tootsie Rolls, one with a bite out of it.
One pre-chewed piece of bubblegum.
One orange-flavoured hard candy, that had clearly been in someone's mouth already.
One lollipop stick with no lollipop on it.
I'm one lucky daddy.