Thursday, May 22, 2008

First thing you know, ol' Jed's a millionaire

Lots of types of people buy lottery tickets. So how can there be a "type" when it comes to lottery winners? You know when you see the big winner in the paper that they blew the entire 2.5 million on a bingo binge and a gold-plated barbecue to bring with them to attend every Nascar event for the next 25 years.

I don't get how the same type of person wins every time.

Maybe it's Ford, paying off the lottery officials, knowing that if the rednecks don't win the lottery they'll never sell the big pick-up trucks.

Sunday, May 18, 2008


At Ellesmere & Pharmacy in Scarborough there is a butcher shop called "Halal Fresh Meat". The ads in the window say "Beef, Veal, Lamb, Goat, Chicken, Ground."


I've heard old folks saying "Everyone will eat a pound of dirt before they die." I just didn't know it was a Muslim thing.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Practice what you preach

Maybe David Suzuki should start by reducing the emissions on the motorcycles he manufacturers before he preaches to the rest of us.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Best Intersection Ever

I love how things sometimes happen by accident but look like they're planned. For instance, at the intersection of Queen and Coxwell in Toronto there are two porn shops. So the slogan should be "Come to Queen and Coxwell to find everything you need to make a Queen's Coxwell."

Thursday, May 8, 2008

The Word of the Lloyd

If it's true that everything happens because of God's will, then I imagine God invented beer, cigarettes and fast food to ensure that everyone has an equal chance with the chicks. I mean, I'm already brilliant and incredibly funny. Imagine if I was in shape! The other guys wouldn't stand a chance.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Jesus Loves Me

Also at Ellesmere & Kennedy in Scarborough: "Members in Christ Assemblies" church. I don't know much about church, but I don't think there is anything in the Bible about Christ wanting anyone to put their members in him.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Tastes like chicken

Slogan in the window at the Chinese Hut Restaurant at Ellesmere & Kennedy in Scarborough: "Natural Health Taste."

What does Natural Health taste like? I think I prefer un-natural un-healthy taste.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Road Street

I wonder if, at the Toronto Street Naming Association Annual Conference the keynote speaker always says something like "our industry has been on a constant up-swing ever since that one low year when by accident, we named a street Avenue Road."

Friday, May 2, 2008

Watch It

I always get the question "did you see the game last night?" Because I am a guy, people assume I am into sports. But I'm really not. I always say I don't watch sports because I don't enjoy playing them because I suck at sports.

But I have realized that is pretty stupid logic. If I only watched things I was good at, the internet porn industry would see a massive drop in downloads overnight.