Welcome to Holland, Bloorview

OK, today my blog is going to be uncharacteristically serious rather than the usual foolish (I originally typed "funny" and then realized that was a massive overstatement) blog post, because there was some news I thought was worth sharing. And that news reminded me of an essay I wanted to share for those of you who haven't seen it.  

Today was a big day at one of my favourite places in the world. If you know me at all, you probably know of my love for Bloorview Kids Rehab, Canada's largest pediatric rehabilitation centre for kids with disabilities. For those of you who have escaped my professions of love for Bloorview, either on Facebook, in person or at one of the "Laughs for Possibility" live comedy fundraisers I have organized and performed on, I'll give you a brief-ish outline of why I feel so strongly about the place.

My oldest son, Eric (5) started going to Bloorview for Occupational therapy through their Community Development Program (CDP) and to see a developmental pediatrician when he was 2, due to global developmental delay. He later began seeing a physiotherapist at Bloorview, went to the dentist there and attended the Bloorview Nursery School in Scarborough.

When Eric was 3, while on vacation in Prince Edward Island with his mother and brand new brother, Alex, he experienced a major stroke. After a month in hospital in the Maritimes, he was sent home to Toronto and was admitted as an inpatient to Bloorview's Brain Injury Rehab Team (BIRT) unit. After one month as an inpatient, he was followed by the BIRT Day Program in which he attended therapy at the hospital daily, from September to December of 2008.

After his recovery had progressed well enough that he could be discharged from the Day Program, Eric returned to the Bloorview Nursery School and to physio and O.T. through the CDP at Bloorview. Then, in May 2009, Eric suddenly experienced a second major stroke, followed by a third two weeks later. After a month at Sick Kids in Toronto, he found himself as an inpatient at Bloorview again, this time from June to October and in the Day Program until December. He started Junior Kindergarten in the resource program at the Bloorview School Authority. Upon discharge from the Day Program, he began being followed by the BIRT Outpatient program for physio, O.T. and speech therapy, and continues to be seen by this team today.

It is impossible to properly explain how much the people at Bloorview, over our nearly 4-year journey with them,  have impacted our family. Every single person we encounter in that amazing building and at the nursery school, is deeply dedicated to helping kids with disabilities move, as the Bloorview slogan says, "From Disability to Possibility." The wonderful doctors, nurses, therapists, therapy assistants, therapeutic clowns, teachers, volunteers, support staff, researchers and more at Bloorview go above and beyond on a daily basis to improve the lives of the unique children they serve.

Eric's first Bloorview therapist, an Occupational Therapist named Yvonne, made such an immediate and deep connection with this kid who, at age 2 had already begun to distrust adults in hospital-type environments, and helped him make significant developmental gains thanks to that connection, that I remember Jodi and I saying that she would forever go down as Eric's (and our) life-long hero.

We still feel that way about Yvonne, but what we didn't know at the time, is that as we continued to meet Bloorview staffers and volunteers, we would add literally dozens of names to our hero list. I'm not even going to attempt to name them all, but they know who they are. Every person we've dealt with at Bloorview, from the doctor who, hearing that Eric was having seizures one day during his time in the Day Program dropped everything in her busy schedule to sit with him for over an hour, watching him, comforting him (and me), to the Therapeutic Clowns who seemed to be able to read Eric's needs better than anyone else (including me) to the Nursery School teachers who set aside personal time to visit Eric during his hospital stays, to the ladies at the Tim Hortons coffee shop in the lobby who come out from behind the counter to give Eric and Alex a hug when they see them, and so on and so on, are heroes. I think their hiring policy begins with "all applicants, in order to be considered, must be able to perform miracles."

This week I've been thinking a lot about how much Bloorview means to us, since this is our second-last week at Bloorview. I know we will meet more heroes after we move to New Brunswick in a week-and-a-half, and will be closer to other heroes (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc), which is extremely exciting, but right now, the prospect of leaving Bloorview behind is often leaving me with a lump in my throat. In case I haven't made it clear, I love that place and the people in it and hate to imagine where we would be without having had them in our lives over the past few years.

So, I was interested to hear that effective today, Bloorview Kids Rehab is no more. Don't worry, all those heroes are still there, but the place changed its name today. After an incredible $20 Million donation from the Holland family, Bloorview Kids Rehab is now the Holland Bloorview Kids Rehabilitation Hospital.

That $20 Million donation is on top of the $6.2 million that the Hollands have already donated to Bloorview. Bill and Suzanne Holland are dedicated to helping Bloorview... I mean Holland Bloorview, help kids with special needs meet their potential. They are parents themselves, but not parents of a Bloorview patient, as you might assume of someone who is so passionate about such a place. Bill Holland says “When my family and I toured Bloorview, I couldn’t decide which I found more compelling- the children who were dealing with disability in so many different ways or the professionals who were so dedicated in their work with them. I’ve seen many healthcare organizations up close and this is one I’m pleased to support because it works.” (quote taken from the Holland Bloorview website)

So this is a family who has more financial means than most of us will ever dream of, who could choose to support any cause, and indeed have chosen to support several not-for-profit organizations. There are a lot of great charities out there, some of which probably have a more direct connection to their family. But they decided to put their weight behind this place that I love so much. When I think about how much their support will mean for kids with special needs in Toronto, across Ontario, and (thanks to the ground-breaking research undertaken at Bloorview) around the world, I realize that we have two new heroes to add to our list. We've never met the Hollands, but we certainly appreciate them all the same. They have given kids like Eric an amazing gift: the gift of Possiblity. And we want to thank them for that.

Did I say "brief-ish"???

If you're still reading after my long love letter to Bloorview, you might as well stick around and read a bit more, because I have a link I want to share with you. I recently had an e-mail discussion with my sister about how one of the most important things that we can offer a kid with any kind of special need is understanding. So, I also wanted to suggest you read an essay written in 1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley about the way in which many parents of kids with special needs come to an understanding about the fact that their child has a disability. I think it's pretty amazing (even if it's a little sappy, but isn't that what parenting is all about?) Don't worry, it's much shorter than this blog entry!

Here's a link to the essay, called Welcome to Holland: http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html

I think it's pretty apropriate for today, considering the Bloorview name change.

Ok, that's my love letter to Holland Bloorview, and my link for you. I promise my next blog entry will be much sillier, and much shorter.

Llove,

Lloyd

PS - if you want to read more about the Holland Bloorview name change, you can check out these links:

- here's a story from the Globe and Mail
- here a story from the National Post
- here's a piece from Holland Bloorview's just-released 2010 report to donors

Dear McDonald's

Dear McDonald's,

I appreciate your efforts to save our planet, with your "One meal, one napkin" program:

"May we suggest that you use one napkin per meal?"

Thanks for the suggestion, McDonald's.

If you want us to stick to one napkin per meal, may we suggest that you ensure some kind of consistency in your ketchup application? If I knew that there would only be one squirt of ketchup on each quarter pounder, I could feel confident grabbing only one napkin. But one in three quarter pounders has at least three squirts of ketchup, two of which end up on my chin.

Also, since we're making environmentally friendly suggestions, may we suggest that when we say "no thanks" to the "do you want ketchup?" question, that you don't put 40 ketchup packets in the bag. Imagine how many tomatoes are thrown out around the world every day in the form of 40 ketchup packets per drive through visit, plus the extra ketchup squirts on the quarter pounders. Next time there is a tomato shortage, we know who to blame.

Thanks so much. Llove,

Lloyd

An Open Letter To A McDonald's Drive-Thru

Love, Toronto's insomniac community.

Dear TDSB and TCDSB

Dear Toronto District School Board and Toronto Catholic District School Board,

I wish to request that you add a class to your cirriculum called "Why you should take your big fucking backpack off when you get on the bus."

The textbook could have chapters titled "Hey you little fucker, when you turned around in font of my seat, you hit me in the face with that big fucking backpack" or "You take up as much space as a grotesquely obese person with that backpack on."

Trust me, as a new transit rider, I can testify to the fact that Toronto students need this class.

I would be happy to teach the class, because I am all about doing what's right for our children. And not getting a big fucking backpack jammed into my gut seven times a day.

Llove,

Lloyd

Dear Telemarketers

Dear Telemarketers,

I used to defend you. When people would start bitching about telemarketers, I would say "they're just trying to make some money, just like the rest of us." I even was one of you, when I was a University student, and made fundraising calls for the alumni office.

I have changed my point of view when it comes to telemarketing. Not all telemarketing, but I have come to absolutely hate the growing percentage of companies that are using the latest in telemarketing technology.

I'm sure everyone has had the calls. They go like this:

-Your phone rings.
-You answer it, politely. "Hello?"
-Nothing happens.
-You try again. Still polite. "Hello? Anyone there?"
-Nobody there.
-You give it one last try, a little frustrated now. "Hello?! Is this some kind of joke?"
-There is a clicking sound, as the computer at the other end of the line transfers you to the next available agent.
-"Hello, may I speak with.... (pause as they wait for their computer screen to refresh and tell them who they have called)... Mr. L. ... um.... Rain?"

So, you called me, and you expect me to wait for you? My phone rings, and I have to wait for you to come to the phone? You value my business so much that you couldn't bother to have someone on the line until you are sure that I am going to answer?

Tell you what - next time don't bother to have someone on the line until you are sure you have an offer for me that doesn't suck. First you make me wait for you to come to the phone, then you offer me a credit card at 0.01% below the legal usury limit?

Calling my house and then not actually being there when I answer the phone is the telephone version of "Nickey Nickey Nine Doors". And the next time I get one of these calls, I'm going to react like I would if that's what it was. I'm going to shout "stop ringing my bell and running away, you pesky kids!"

I am going to tell my friends to do the same thing. And to tell their friends. It will become a movement. And I will be the leader of the movement. And maybe one day, all the telemarketing companies will be forced to go back to having someone on the line to offer barely legal credit cards to me as soon as I answer the phone. That's all I ask.

Llove,

Lloyd

Dear Sirius

Dear Sirius Satelite Radio,

I enjoy your services while driving around in my car. I mostly listen to the comedy channels. Funny stuff.

But, sometimes, my kids are in the car with me. Then, I switch to your kids channel on 116.

I just wanted to let you know that we have about 6 CDs with kids music on them. You could borrow them if you want. Then your collection of kids music would be more than doubled!


Give me a call if you want to borrow our CDs.

Llove,

Lloyd

Dear McDonald's

Dear McDonald's Canada:

I recently visited one of your stores, in Scarborough, ON. It was McLovely. I had a quarter-pounder combo. It was McDelicious!

Anyhow, I checked my McDonald's Monopoly game piece and found that I won a muffin! In fact, the game piece says that I have won "any baked muffin" or, "tout muffin cuit au four". This is very generous of you, McDonald's. Thank you. I will be coming into my local McDonald's location this weekend to collect my prize. But I do have a question I need answered before I do.

You see, I don't like McDonald's muffins, but since you have generously offered to give me "any" muffin, I would like to cash in my game piece in exchange for a Tim Hortons Fruit Explosion muffin. They are so delicious.

So, when I come in to collect my muffin, should I call the store ahead of time, to give them a chance to go pick up the muffin at Tim Hortons, or do they keep a supply of competitors' muffins on hand? I expect that they do keep them on hand, given the broad offer of "any" muffin. But I just want to make sure.

Or do you have some sort of deal with Tim Hortons where I can just take my prize claim whatsit into them and they will accept it?

If you could please let me know before this weekend, I would appreciate it. I can taste my muffin already. Thanks!

Llove,

Lloyd

Dear Skeletor

Dear Skeletor,

I am writing to you to let you know that I am very impressed with the way in which you have re-created yourself. I am sure it was difficult to avoid being typecast as the bad guy after the He-Man days.



On top of the pain you must have felt, knowing that your acting career was pretty much dead, unless a He-Man reunion special might happen at some point, you also had to deal with the torture of hiding your secret from the world. Nobody would understand that you were a woman trapped in a man's body (with a skeleton head).

That is why I am so proud of you for having gone ahead with the surgery. It was so very brave of you, and you must be so pleased with the results. The new you is very convincing!

But, usually after a sex-change operation, you hear of a person changing their name to a similar name. Like Claire becoming Clarence. Or John becoming Janice. I would have expected the natural change from Skeletor to be Skeletette. So, my question to you is, why did you decide to change your name to Janice?



By the way, congratulations on your new modeling agency.

Llove,

Lloyd

Dear WestJet:

Dear WestJet:

You know that flight attendant on the Moncton to Toronto flight this morning who kind of looks like Alisha Cuthbert?

Could you please thank someone in your human resources department on my behalf? Thankssomuch!

Llove,

Lloyd

Dear The Glad Products Company

Thank you for making GladWare Containers. My wife and I bought two packages of them. They're great for putting stuff in. Stuff like leftover potatoes. Or carrots. Even leftover sauces of various flavours. One time I put bread crumbs in one of them when I ground up too much bread when I was making a breading thing for some trout. My point is, these containers hold stuff really well.

I also wanted to point out that I really think you chose a great name for this product. Not only because it makes me feel glad to have a great place to put my stuff. But because I feel so extremely glad (giddy, even) when I finally get the lid off of them without breaking it. The engineering expertise it must have taken to make those lids so difficult to get off is really very impressive.

But seriously, the joke's over. I need my bread crumbs! I'm making my special fried chicken this weekend, but I need the breadcrumbs. How do I get my stuff out of your containers?

Llove,

Lloyd

Safety of Air Travel in Canada

Here is a letter I recently sent to the Canadian Minister of Transport, who is responsible for the Canadian Air Transport Security Authority. I also copied it to several other Members of Parliament, as I feel it is an important issue.

To: Hon. Lawrence Cannon, Minister of Transport

Re: Safety of Air Travel in Canada

CC: Right Hon. Stephen Harper, Prime Minister;
Hon. Stockwell Day, Minister of Public Safety;
Sylvie Boucher, Parliamentary Secretary to the Prime Minister;
Jason Kenny, Parliamentary Secretary to the Prime Minister;
Brian Jean, Parliamentary Secretary to the Minister of Transport;
Dave MacKenzie, Parliamentary Secretary to the Minister of Public Safety;
Hon. Robert Nicholson, Leader of the Government in the House of Commons;
Hon. Stéphane Dion , Leader of the Liberal Party of Canada;
Michael Ignatieff, Deputy Leader of the Liberal Party;
Hon. Ralph Goodale, House Leader of the Liberal Party;
David McGuinty, Liberal Transport Critic;
Hon. Irwin Cotler, Liberal Public Safety Critic;
Gilles Duceppe , Leader of the Bloc Québécois;
Robert Carrier, Bloc Québécois Transport Critic;
Serge Ménard, Bloc Québécois Public Safety Critic;
Hon. Jack Layton, Leader of the New Democratic Party;
Peter Julian, NDP Transport Critic;
Joe Comartin, NDP Public Safety Critic;
Libby Davies, NDP House Leader;
John Cannis, MP Scarborough Centre.

Dear Mr. Cannon,

I am writing to you to express my feelings about the fantastic work that your department, particularly the Canadian Air Transport Security Authority does on behalf of Canadians. I have copied this message to relevant members of all four parties represented in the House of Commons, as I believe it is very important that they all know about the wonderful job that is being done to protect Canadian air travelers.

My wife and I travel frequently across Canada by air, and have been very impressed by what we have seen over and over again in airports across this country. These are difficult times in which to maintain airport security, but your department's policies ensure safety and security for all travelers.

I have been particularly impressed by the methods used to protect us since the terrorist scare in the UK in August. The banning of liquids and gels in carry-on luggage was the right move to ensure that explosives are not carried onto aircraft. Then, after the scare became less immediate, the new rules to lessen the restrictions on liquids and gels were well conceived and flawlessly executed.

What I am most impressed with is the way liquids and gels are handled by airport security staff when they find them in carry-on baggage. For instance, I was traveling with my 22 month-old son recently, and forgot that there was baby skin cream in his diaper bag. Rather than simply discard of this important parenting tool, the security guard placed it into a Ziploc bag, sealed it and handed it back to me, reminding me to not open the bag until after I was off the plane.

Of course I was thankful to have it back, because after purchasing an airline ticket for a domestic flight in Canada, I did not have enough money to replace the cream if it had been discarded.

Whoever thought of this fantastic way to deal with liquids and gels on airplanes was really thinking "outside the box" and deserves a great Christmas bonus this year.

Now, to be honest, I have heard some Canadians criticize this technique, calling it "an insult to the intelligence of Canadians", but clearly those people are freedom-hating terrorist lovers. I heard one person laugh and say "what's to stop someone from opening the bag during their flight to get at their explosive liquid or gel?" to which I answered "Pay attention! The security guard SAID to leave it sealed inside the bag until you get off the plane!"

I even heard somebody say that the sales team at S.C. Johnson must be laughing all the way to the bank, after convincing the Canadian Government to stock up on millions of Ziploc Bags for all of the shaving cream, shampoo and mascara in everyone's carry-on bags. I hope so. They deserve all of the accolades they are getting in the boardroom, because who knows how many Canadian lives those sales representatives have saved with their brilliant idea?

My only concern with the policy is that there needs to be a way at the passenger's destination for people to get information about how to get into the bags to retrieve their items. I forgot to get the combination or key to unlock these secure bags, and when I call the airport, nobody seems to be able to help me. As I mentioned, I cannot afford to buy new skin cream for my son, and at this time of year, the skin on his legs is getting very dry and is very uncomfortable for him. Can you direct me to a website where I can find directions for opening this high-tech security device?

Thank you for your help on this matter, and thank you on behalf of all Canadians for keeping our skies safe.

Happy Holidays,

Lloyd Ravn
Scarborough, ON

I'll let you know if I get any kind of response.

An open letter…

Copied from my MySpace blog. Originally posted August 4, 2006

...to the parents of the kids who I saw the other day flying their kite underneath the dozens of power lines at Brimley and Lawerence in Scarborough, while the parents sat and watched.

Dear Parents,

You suck at the parenting.

Llove,

Lloyd