Dear Telemarketers

Dear Telemarketers,

I used to defend you. When people would start bitching about telemarketers, I would say "they're just trying to make some money, just like the rest of us." I even was one of you, when I was a University student, and made fundraising calls for the alumni office.

I have changed my point of view when it comes to telemarketing. Not all telemarketing, but I have come to absolutely hate the growing percentage of companies that are using the latest in telemarketing technology.

I'm sure everyone has had the calls. They go like this:

-Your phone rings.
-You answer it, politely. "Hello?"
-Nothing happens.
-You try again. Still polite. "Hello? Anyone there?"
-Nobody there.
-You give it one last try, a little frustrated now. "Hello?! Is this some kind of joke?"
-There is a clicking sound, as the computer at the other end of the line transfers you to the next available agent.
-"Hello, may I speak with.... (pause as they wait for their computer screen to refresh and tell them who they have called)... Mr. L. ... um.... Rain?"

So, you called me, and you expect me to wait for you? My phone rings, and I have to wait for you to come to the phone? You value my business so much that you couldn't bother to have someone on the line until you are sure that I am going to answer?

Tell you what - next time don't bother to have someone on the line until you are sure you have an offer for me that doesn't suck. First you make me wait for you to come to the phone, then you offer me a credit card at 0.01% below the legal usury limit?

Calling my house and then not actually being there when I answer the phone is the telephone version of "Nickey Nickey Nine Doors". And the next time I get one of these calls, I'm going to react like I would if that's what it was. I'm going to shout "stop ringing my bell and running away, you pesky kids!"

I am going to tell my friends to do the same thing. And to tell their friends. It will become a movement. And I will be the leader of the movement. And maybe one day, all the telemarketing companies will be forced to go back to having someone on the line to offer barely legal credit cards to me as soon as I answer the phone. That's all I ask.

Llove,

Lloyd