Butt why?

The big sign at the front of the bus that says "Please exit at the rear doors" is clearly too complex for most bus riders to understand.

How hard it it to understand that the whole bus riding process will go much smoother if you get off at the back while people get on at the front? It's very simple physics. Everytime you get off at the front, you slow down the whole bus trip for the rest of us by slowing down the people who are trying to get on. Why do you do this?

I think it comes down to how sexually repressed we still are. Do people really think that it will make them look bad if people see that they enjoy getting off at the back door?

Poor little jocks

Have you seen the commercial on TV for the Olympics that has a bunch of kids saying things like "I'm not a loser" or "I'm not a loner" in several languages. Then they all start saying "I'm an athelete" like you can't possibly be both.

(If you don't recognize the commercial, go to olympic.org and click on "The Best of Us"in tbe multimedia gallery in the top right.)

What kind of jock nonsense is this? I always expect the next line to be "so go find a fat kid to call names and leave the jocks alone. Faggot."

Standing In The Way Wins The Race

Why does everyone on the bus bunch up at the front?
1. Get on the bus
2. See a spot to stand near the door
3. Take that spot and refuse to move, even if you are blocking the way of people who get on the bus after you
4. This way, when the bus gets to your stop, you'll be the first to arrive, at least 0.25 seconds before the suckers at the back!
5. Spend the rest of the day feeling proud of yourself for your incredible time-saving efforts this morning.

Bus rules

When somebody farts on a crowded bus, and you're looking around, trying to figure out who is acting so casual that it's obvious that they are the farter, everyone sees you looking around so much and figures that you're looking around to see if anyone noticed that you farted.

Rules of the bus

TTC Rule #726: The more people that there are standing up on the bus, the harder the driver must slam on the brakes at every stop.

We gotcha back

There has been a series of ads running on Toronto Transit Commission busses all about why you shouldn't be mean to TTC employees. The headline is "We Stand Behind Our TTC Employees."

I couldn't read the small print, so I spent a ride to work one day, coming up with possible examples for the next line in the ad:

...so they block your punches
...because they can take a hit better than us
...so we can catch them when you punch them out
...so we can hold them while you pop them in the mouth.

*Note, I neither approve of, nor encourage violence against bus drivers. But I can sometimes see why it happens.

Thoughts from the bus

Nothing says "I'm a lush and don't care who knows it" like sending your 12-year old to school with their books in a liquor store bag.