5 Frustrating Things About Being a Man in His 40s

I'm 41. Overall, it's ok, but there are some parts that suck. Here they are:

5. The hair. I took my kids to the barber shop and the barber said to my 6-year-old, "look, there's more hair on your bib that I've cut off your head than Daddy has at all." I said "clearly, Mr. Barber, you've never been to the beach with Daddy."
I could have sworn that the shampoo I bought said it would give my hair more body, not the other way around.
If you're a Star Wars fan, here's a visual: C3P0 from the neck up, Chewie from the neck down.

My two Dads having a special moment.

4.The exhaustion. I used to sleep at night. Now I sleep whenever I can. If I'm reading a book to my kids, and the word "yawn" is in the book, it will make me yawn. In fact, I just yawned each time I typed the word yawn. And there, I did it again. 

3. The peeing. I don't remember the moment that I went from being able to say "I have to pee. I should find a place in which to do so farily soon" to having to say "I HAVE TO PEE! NOW! EMERGENCY!" 

My pee timeline just goes like this: 

1. Don't have to pee... 

2. Don't have to pee... 

3. don't have to pee... 

4. HAVE TO PEE NOW!!!

2.The ass. I haven't had an ass since I hit my 40s. That's not as ass back there. It's a long back with a hole at the bottom. It's like a golf course! And the rough is... well, everywhere. It's a very poorly groomed golf course. 

My theory about the old man disappearing ass is this: you know how sometimes, with women, gravity kicks in even more in certain parts? (if you're a man reading this with your wife, this is the time to say "I have no idea what he means.") Well, I believe that, with men, gravity gives up a little. And the ass just slides up a bit. then it gets all hooked up in the tailbone area, and moves around to the front and just settles in there under the ribcage. This is not my beer belly. This is my ass belly. 

I don't have buns, I have flatbread.

1. The doctor. I swear, if I run into my doctor at the grocery store, my first thought is still "when did I last wash my ass?" in case he decides this is the moment for that test. You know the one.

(Mike Birbiglia was much younger than 40 in this description of that test. But it is still as terrifying.)

Am I the only 40-something man with these frustrations? Any others out there that I should have included?

Funny, Daddy now available on YouTube

So a while ago, I recorded my solo show Funny, Daddy and offered it for sale, with partial proceeds going to Children's Wish Foundation. Some of you paid for the download. Thanks!
If you paid for it, but haven't watched it, I want to let you know that the Box.net link I sent will no longer be available (monthly fees for box.net are higher than gross all-time sales for this video, so being a math genius, I realized that wasn't worth it). instead, the video is now on Youtube. Which means that if you didn't buy it, you can still watch it. (if you paid for it, and it now being freely available is a problem, send me a message and I'll refund your money).
Actually, rather than free, I'm considering it "Pay What You Want" (PWYW). If you watch it, feel free to pay whatever you think it was worth using the PayPal link in the video description on YouTube. If you would prefer to watch for free, that's cool, too.
I won't hound you about this, I promise. i might send out a reminder or two, but I won't be as much of as pest as many of you have told me I was in the past. Promise.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kq-5y3QO1o4

Does This Taste Funny?

After having a lot of fun touring around Canada's Maritime provinces with my solo show Funny, Daddy in 2013 with great media and audience reviews, I'm getting ready for a fall 2014 tour of my new 1-hour solo show Does This Taste Funny?

Prepping for my specialty: Entertained Squab.
Photo by Keith Hawkins

My new show will be an hour of food-related jokes and stories. It's the tale of why, despite graduating from a great culinary school and working in amazing kitchens in Canada and Europe, I'm not a chef today. Mixed in with the food jokes will be funny stories from behind-the-scenes of the restaurant biz!

I'm working out the details and dates and of course the script now, and I want to make sure this tour is as well-organized as possible. In order to ensure that, there are a ton of up-front expenses (booking venues, advertising etc). So, after talking to a few people who have used crowdfunding websites like IndieGogo to help pre-fund their tours and/or shows, I have decided to launch an IndieGogo campaign of my own.

I'm hoping to find a bunch of people who would like to help me get this tour off on the right foot by contributing to my IndieGogo campaign. You can find my campaign by clicking here.

 In exchange for your contribution, you will receive some cool perks. You can receive one of my favourite recipes monthly for the rest of the year, or if you play your cards right, I'll come to your house and cook you dinner for 4 before a show! Check these out:

*All contributions of $25 or more will be added to the Lloyd's Llunch Counter Recipe of the Month Club. You will receive 1 of my favourite recipes by email monthly throughout 2014, with details like where I got the idea & how I made it my own. With each recipe I will include 1 of the food-related jokes or stories I'm working on for Does This Taste Funny?

$2 (Contributor level: Cook) - Each $2 sponsor will receive a digital download of Does This Taste Funny?
All sponsor levels will be thanked in the show program.

$10 (Contributor level: Chef's Apprentice) - Each $10 sponsor will receive a ticket to a Does This Taste Funny? show of their choice. ($15 value). If you're not near a show, I'll donate your ticket to a deserving local charity.

$25 (Contributor level: Demi-Chef) - Each $25 sponsor will receive 2 tickets to a Does This Taste Funny? show of their choice, PLUS a free digital download of the show. ($35 value) 

*All contributions of $25 or more will be added to the Lloyd's Llunch Counter Recipe of the Month Club. You will receive 1 of my favourite recipes by email monthly throughout 2014, with details like where I got the idea & how I made it my own. With each recipe I will include 1 of the food-related jokes or stories I'm working on for Does This Taste Funny?

$50 (Contributor level: Chef de Partie) - Each $50 sponsor will receive TWO pairs of tickets to a Does This Taste Funny? show of their choice, plus a free digital download of the show ($65 value) PLUS you'll be added to the Lloyd's Llunch Counter Recipe of the Month Club throughout 2014.

$100 (Contributor level: Sous Chef) - Each $100 sponsor will receive FOUR pairs of tickets to a Does This Taste Funny? show of their choice, plus a free digital download of the show PLUS a Bay of Funny Comedy t-shirt ($145 value) PLUS you'll be added to the Lloyd's Llunch Counter Recipe of the Month Club throughout 2014.

$250 (Contributor level - Executive Chef) - Each $250 sponsor will get 5 pairs of tickets to a Does This Taste Funny? show of their choice, + a digital download of the show + a Bay of Funny Comedy t-shirt + a bottle of wine ($50-$75 retail) delivered to your home pre-show + cab fare to and from the show (on account of the wine) (approximately $280 value) + you'll be added to the Lloyd's Llunch Counter Recipe of the Month Club for 2014.
If you're not near a show you'll get a liquor store gift card & I'll donate your tickets to charity

$500 (Contributor level - Restaurateur) - Each $500 sponsor will receive TEN PAIRS of tickets to a Does This Taste Funny? show of their choice, plus a free digital download of the show plus a Bay of Funny Comedy t-shirt plus a bottle of wine and cab fare to and from the show PLUS a $150 donation in your name to the charity of your choice, post-tour.(approximately $580 value)
PLUS you'll be added to the Lloyd's Llunch Counter Recipe of the Month Club throughout 2014.

$1,000 (Contributor level - Minister of Food) - Each $1000 sponsor will receive 10 PAIRS of tickets to a Does This Taste Funny? show of their choice, + a free digital download of the show + a Bay of Funny Comedy t-shirt plus a bottle of wine and cab fare to and from the show plus a $150 donation in your name to the charity of your choice, post-tour PLUS Lloyd Ravn will come to your home and prepare a 3-course dinner for 4 people before the show.(priceless?)
PLUS you'll be added to the Lloyd's Llunch Counter Recipe of the Month Club for 2014.

I hope you'll jump on the Does This Taste Funny? bandwagon and make a contribution in exchange for one of the perks outlined above, as well as share my campaign with your friends on Facebook, Twitter and e-mail. Here's the link again:  http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/does-this-taste-funny-2014-comedy-tour

Thanks for your support!

Lloyd

New Tim Hortons Ad Suggestion

Dear Tim Hortons,

I think I've written an amazing tv and radio commercial. Feel free to use it. 

Man, in an office: "Did you know that Tim Hortons (insert whatever you are currently promoting here)?"

Woman standing near him: "Whaaaaat?"

Everyone in the office: "We're you raised by wolves or something? In polite society, we say 'pardon me?'"

Voice over: "Tim Hortons. You've always got time for manners."

Help Me Help Children's Hospitals in Canada

This is one of my all-time favourite pictures. 

Eric was on a weekend pass from a particularly long hospital stay, after his second and third strokes, back-to-back. He and I were so relieved to be home that we were asleep on the couch in minutes. 

Those were very difficult and terrifying days, watching Eric go through severe medical emergencies at such a young age. But thanks to extremely hard work of pediatric doctors and nurses and therapists (we stopped counting when Eric had been seen by more than 100 doctors from several different specialties by age 4), Eric's health has been pretty stable for the past few years.

That's why I decided to donate a portion of each sale from downloads of my 1-hour solo show Funny, Daddy to Children's Miracle Network, helping children's hospitals across Canada, as my way of saying "thank you for saving this kid's life". 

The show itself is the story of the ups and downs of my time as a parent, and Eric's hospital stays and the wonderful care that we received during those stays, play a big role in the story. I do find an opportunity to roast the medical community a little, too (in a loving way, of course).

I appreciate the support I've had on this so far, and I would love it if a great big pile of my friends and family jumped on board today with a $5 purchase. I know literally hundreds of you have sent me messages saying "I wish I could see that show" when it was touring around the Maritimes. Well, now's your chance.
It's easy. You can pay with a credit card or PayPal athttp://bayoffunny.com/index.php/funny-daddy-dvd

Or, you can send an interac e-mail transfer to NoLloydering@gmail.com.

You'll receive a download link in your email shortly after paying.

Thanks!

Llove,

Lloyd

Being a Maritimer in Toronto

A sample of my solo show Funny, Daddy, now available for download for only $5 at http://bayoffunny.com/index.php/funny-daddy-dvd

The best part of being a stay-at-home Dad

The best part of being a stay-at-home dad is the wrestling. 

I mean, in what other job can you just wrestle at the drop of a hat? 

Even wrestlers have to wait for the bell. but a stay-at-home dad can just throw a kid on the 

floor anytime they want. And I can usually win, too. 

But when it isn’t looking good for me, I have my secret finishing move that works every time. 

interestingly enough, it was the same move that got me kicked off of my high school wrestling 

team. The raspberry kiss to the tummy. Always works. Apparently not allowed.

-Lloyd Ravn in Funny, Daddy (available at www.BayOfFunny.com)