Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Games squirrels play

The following is a conversation between two squirrels in Thomson Park in Scarborough:

Squirrel 1: "Hey, do you hear that?"

Squirrel 2: "What? All I hear is an ambulance pulling into Scarborough General."

Squirrel 1: "Listen closely."

Squirrel 2: "Ah! A rollerblader! Do you think it could be...?"

Squirrel 1: "YES! I think I hear the pitter-patter of a dog running too."

Squirrel 2: "You're right! Look, coming around the corner! It's that big awkward guy with his husky!"

Squirrel 1: "I'll bet you three acorns and this half-eaten hamburger bun I found under the picnic table that I can get the dog to chase me into the woods, and that the guy will hold onto the leash, trying to keep the dog under control, eventually crashing into the bushes over there."

Squirrel 2: "You're on! Even that guy can't be so stupid that he wouldn't let go of the leash."

A passing blackbird: "I've gotta see this!"

Squirrel 1: "Ready... here I go! HEY DOGGY! LOOKATME! I'M DELICIOUS!"

Dog: "Huh? FOOD!"

Squirrel 2: "OHMYGOD! LOOK AT THAT!"

Blackbird: "I didn't know humans could fly!"

Squirrel 2: "Wow, you almost did it! He totally would have crashed into those bushes if that big patch of mud hadn't been there. Man, did you see how he lurched forward when the wheels on his skates got stuck in that mud?"

Squirrel 1: "Man, that was completely worth losing the acorns and hamburger bun just to see the look on his face as he belly-flopped onto the ground. Stupid humans."

Squirrel 2: "HAHAHAHA! And now look at him - yelling at the dog, and the dog's looking all sorry-like and pretending he doesn't understand English!"

Blackbird: "Funniest thing I've seen all day."

I hate squirrels.

4 comments:

Brooks said...

Ah, yes. Squirrels. My German Shepherd drug me across the street and through a ditch after a squirrel while we were walking. I was thankful there was no cars coming down the road!! I feel your pain. Seriously.

Melissa said...

D'you suppose they are the same squirrels from the Geico commercial? Those guys must be stopped....

Lady_Lauretta said...

Great blog. Was that human in skates with the dog you doin a belly flop in the mud? ;)

Kim said...

HAHAHAHA...
I think I just peed a little...