Nice face, too bad about the...

There are loads of things that suck about taking the bus. Especially on cold days. The worst thing about taking the bus on a cold day is when you're sitting there, and a good-looking girl gets on, and you're checking her out as she walks to the back of the bus. Pretty face, great hair, big Angelina lips.... Then, she gets closer and you see the stream of snot coming out of her nose.

Coming Soon To A Store Near You

I'm going to be rich! I was throwing some frozen fries in the oven, and one of them had a potato sprout on it. I planted it, and soon I'll have a french fry tree! I'm going to put McCain an Cavendish out of business by cutting out the whole processing thing, and just grow frozen french fries. Jodi thinks the sprout will just rot in the pot I planted it in, but she won't be laughing when she's the wife of the french fry king.

Sister Squirrel

I hate that sometimes I blurt out things that sound funny in my head, and once they leave my lips, they just dound dumb. Everybody does this, but I do it to strangers, which makes it sound dumb and creepy.

One day last summer, I was in walking the dog in the park and a family came along on their bikes. It was a little boy, a little girl, their mother, and what I assume was a visitor from England. They were showing this lady around the neighbourhood, and the kids pointing out landmarks (that's the tree that we like to climb, that's a totem pole, that's where we have picnics sometimes, etc). She would ask them questions in her lovely Northern England accent.

Then, the little boy pointed to a squirrel and said "and that's a chick-munk." His mother corrected him and said "no, dear, that's a squirrel" and the visitor said "but what's a chick-munk?"

I was walking just past them at this point, and before I even realized I was speaking, I said "a nun."

I walked away, amused at myself, leaving them wondering what was wrong with me.

Smile

I like music. Right now, I have a favourite song. Would you like to hear about it? OK, I'll tell you. It's by an indy band from Charlottetown called Out from Under. This band is made up of:

- Jeff Stewart, a friend of mine with whom I went to cooking school, and who is the head chef at Charlottetown's Mavor's Lounge, in the Confederation Centre.
- A bunch of other guys I don't know.

Their MySpace page lists the following description of their sound:

Alt-Country goes skinny dipping in the Norththumberland Strait and comes back wet and cold with some crabs and a rubber boot, only to warm itself with a fire lit from drum sticks and setlists.

I have two of their CDs. One is called Live at Leo's and the other is called Unindustrious. It is on the latter that my current favourite song can be found. Track 9. The best song ever. Called Ecstasy Smile. I hope the guys in the band don't mind if I post the lyrics here, because I love them so (the lyrics, not the guys in the band. I just like them as friends)

Ecstacsy Smile, by J. Stewart:

When I first saw you I had had a few
I was sad and I was down
Then you rubbed my arm
And you brought me your charm

I was a little misplaced
Then you came to me with your grace
But I can't tell if you're for real
Or is that your ecstasy smile?

Ecstasy smile
Ecstasy smile
Is that you looking at me like that
Or is that your ecstasy smile?

I hiccup like a drunk
All my shit won't fit in my leaving trunk
So I'll park myself right here for awhile
And I'll gaze at your smile.

You're looking good to me now
And I'm hoping somehow
You've got enough smiles to get you through
The possibility of me and you

Ecstasy smile
Ecstasy smile
Is that you looking at me like that
Or is that your ecstasy smile?

When we hit last call
I'm like a horse in need of a stall
Won't you pick me up
Because I know you've still got a little bit of energy to burn

Won't you get me home
Get me alone
I'll take that little smile from your face
And turn it into permanent grace

Ecstasy smile
Ecstasy smile
Is that you looking at me like that
Or is that your ecstasy smile?

Sweet Ecstasy smile
Ecstasy smile
Is that you looking at me like that
Or is that your ecstasy smile?

Copyright ;© 2006, Out From Under

Awesome, huh? I can actualy picture Jeff checking a girl out in a bar and asking "do you think she likes me, or is she high?"

Check out the band's MySpace page here, and listen to more of their songs. Cut and Dried is another favourite of mine. And go here to purchase their CD. Do it!

By the way, you have my permission to make this your favourite song too. Don't say I never give you anything.

Shut that kid up!

My son, who turned 3 last month, has only recently gotten into watching TV. We didn't really turn it on for him very often, so he never really cared. But, as he's gotten older, he's become more and more interested in cartoons. He loves Little Bear, Franklin, The Backyardigans and, Diego.

Having watched all of these shows with him on several occasions, I have noticed one thing. I think someone who works on the Diego show needs to take that kid in to get his ears tested. I once knew a kid who shouted all the time, and her parents took her in to get little tube thingies in her ears and now her hearing is better and the shouting is gone. I assume Diego's shouting issue comes from a similar problem.

If someone doesn't take that kid in to get his ears checked soon, I'm calling child services. I mean it!

Honour and Obay

Did you see the ad campaign that caused such a stir on the Toronto Transit Commission? The ads were for a medicine called "Obay". The slogans said things like "My daughter used to have a mind of her own. Not any more, thanks to Obay." and they included the tag "From the makers of WhyBecauseISaidSo". It was obviously a fake campaign and everyone was wondering what it was really about. The advertising company said that the real campaign would answer everyone's questions, but wouldn't give any hints.

I came up with some ideas. I was hoping the real thing would be an ad for Cadbury's and would say "There really isn't a drug that will make your kids obay you. So, buy their obedience with chocolate!"

Alternatively, the same idea would have worked for toys, ice cream, ipods, a trip to Disneyland or a car.

In the end, it was just an ad about letting kids make their own decisions about their futures, for OntarioColleges.ca. Very disappointing. My ideas were better. Disney, are you listening?

Lloyd Mad, Lloyd Smash

I like to do my bit for the environment when I can. I'm no major heavy-duty tree hugger, but I do pitch in, in my own way. I drive a car that's this big |----------| to reduce emmissions. I recycle. I am replacing all of the bulbs in my house with compact flourescents. And I buy local produce whenever possible. Local organic produce, if possible.

But what is the point in buying organic apples if I have to use heavy-duty earth-killing detergent to get the "ORGANIC" stickers off? What do they use to stick these things on with? Whatever it is, I guarantee it isn't organic. Nothing natural sticks that well. Not even (insert something from nature that sticks really well here).

So, I say, boycott the organic fruit farmers until they find a better way to mark their produce as organic. Maybe wrapped in plastic that has the word organic on it?

Maybe I'm not as good at this green stuff as I thought.